Tell me the truth!

Over the years I have heard this phrase many times in couples and family counselling. Often made me think about the 1992 movie, A Few Good Men with Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise, when Nicholson’s character, Colonel Jessep, yells out in court “You can’t handle the truth!” It is one thing asking for the truth, it is a whole different thing hearing it, or even being willing to consider it.

Being in a relationship and/ or part of a family, we need to be prepared to consider our participation in the dynamics which occur in the unit of relationship and/ or family. Do we truly listen, or simply hear the voice of another, just waiting for a moment to say our piece? How do we manage the feelings and emotions accompanying our inner experiences? Are we able to acknowledge when our behavior caused upset, discomfort and distress in those around us? Are we prepared to convey to others when our boundaries have been disrespected and overstepped?

The truth is often not straight forward, and can bring with it a great deal of emotional pain. It can highlight areas of our lives we have been unwilling to confront or challenge, because we are fearful of the results of doing so. We may need to grieve for what we lost as a result; a lack of relationship with a now adult child, the ending of a marriage or long term relationship, a lifetime of ‘putting up’ with another’s poor behavior which cost us our self-esteem, self-worth, and slowly chipped away at our sense of self.

Before we demand the truth from another, we need to prepare a space within ourselves to truly hear from the other person. We may be confronted with experiences, beliefs, values and circumstances we would never otherwise have known about. We may need to face the possibility of having our world, as we know it, to be shaken up and left hanging. It could test everything we ever believed to be true. The truth could color our world grey; rather than black or white, create a curiosity; rather than a standpoint of right or wrong.

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