A new normal
Sandra Bowden 26/07/2016
A few days ago I had a conversation with a young woman who recently became a parent. As most new mums do, she talked easily about the joys of parenthood; how amazing her body is for being able to produce this perfect little human being, falling in love as she could never have imagined she would, and the joy of seeing her family members instantly tumble into a place of devotion and adoration upon meeting their newest family member. After a pensive moment she hesitantly reflected on the sadness she felt alongside her joy; her awareness that life, as she knew it, has changed. No longer is she the ‘spur of the moment’ young woman, who at a moment’s notice could arrange an evening out with her friends, snuggle into the hook of her husband’s arm on a Saturday night in; just the two of them. She talked about her struggle to find some normalcy in her life; a life which has become chaotic, with significant changes day to day, constantly reminding her, her life will never be the same again. Finding herself oscillating between moments of wonder and joy, and periods of exhaustion and trepidation.
She reflected on her guilt for feeling this way, and we discussed the importance of recognizing her sadness did not need to cancel out her joy; she could experience both joy and sadness at the same time. Her life changed when the decision was made to become a parent, and when her baby was born. This is an experience of the natural loss of growing up and maturing, and like with any loss, she is allowed a period of grieving and transforming. Allowing herself this process of grief and transformation, means she is living her life to its fullest, accepting every consequence of living; that she will indeed experience change, joy, chaos and sadness at those pivotal moments of her life. These experiences are all part of the celebration of life, and it will demand of her to shift, cope and adjust as she attempts to find her new normal again and again.
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